what’s that sound? oh, that’s gary barlow pissing himself laughing…


so here it is the ‘long awaited’ spice girls comeback… and er… no, not really.

the song is pretty tedious allthough there is a nice section about a third of the way through where mel c takes lead and it all has a bit more oomph. other than that it’s rather flat. i know they are grown ups now but i would have much rathered a nice big pop song than a sludgy ballad. if they had wanted to appear a bit more mature they could have done something along the madonna, kylie, sugarbabes electro-pop route but this is just dull.

and the video? gosh, i hardly know where to start.

it starts with a shudderingly embarrassing shot of them all filing in like a bunch of middle-aged anne summers models at a hen night in clapham. the smug look on geri’s face makes me just about want to put a carving nife through my computer screen. once the video gets going it’s all sort of ‘high class’ writhing and bling by candle light. there is also some lightlty lesbian-esque bonding going on, though the idea of geri haliwell writhing around in sticky vicky’s lap is considerably less appealing now than it was ten years ago.


mel c and emma equip themselves in a perfectly respectable manner and both look nice (although emma bunton and twiggy are turning into each other) but as for the other three.. eek!

geri is clearly very proud of her newest body shape because when she’s not dressed as carmen miranda she is undulating in her undies with a distictly pleased-with-herself vibe.


mel b – one thing to say love – semi-opaque tights? NO! NO! NO! you look like a bar girl at the queen vic. or some left over eighties housewife hooker.


to be fair victoria looks alright for most of the video, or at least as good as she can at the moment what with her leathery anorexic skin and concrete football boobs. until, that is, possibly the most terrifying moment of the whole video when she suddenly appears in this delightful enemble:


and with that image in your minds eye, dear readers i shall leave you.

harry potter the musical?

from yahoo news:

Theatre casting directors are searching for the next Harry Potter to star in a musical based on the smash-hit books.

Producers are already working on a script for an all-singing, all-dancing show of J.K. Rowling’s stories to open at London’s West End next year.

Now a search is on for a young boy to take over the role from Daniel Radcliffe who played the wizard Potter on screen as well as a big-name composer to write the music for the Theatreland show.

A theatre insider says, “The musical has the potential to be huge. You are already off to a head start with the most popular book of recent times. Everyone loves the characters and the mythical world Rowling has invented.

“The difficulty is condensing the seven books into a manageable show. They are exploring various ideas. One possibility is to tell the whole story. Another is to just take a single plot.

“The plan is for spectacular flying scenes, live Quidditch and big showdowns with Voldermort.”

speaking as someone who loves musicals and potter i’m less thrilled than you’d imagine. there are so many potential pitfalls in doing this that it could quite easily be completely awful. not least because i’m not convinced they would make a good hash of the score. most recent musicals (taboo, wicked) no matter how spectacular seem to have really rubbish songs.
and all singing all dancing kids are a hard thing to make lovable.

i wonder if alan parker is free?

This’ll shake them up at the anarchist society!

you have to give it until about 3 minutes in before it gets really good – but by god it’s worth it.
this is the horrors playing a SURF FESTIVAL in newquay.
this, my friends, is the unquashable proof that punk did in fact happen.
i love the fact that as he desperately trawls his way through his ‘bumper book of offensive stage antics for boys’ the crowd just looks on bemused and mildly embarassed. the crowd which, might i point out, consist mostly of surfer-dudes and children.
i mean really, it’s like the fucking mickey mouse club down there and his best method of winning the audience over is to rattle the barrier a little.
my favourite moment comes towards the end when he sort of ‘raars’ in some girls face. she’s i don’t know, maybe 14?
and she just laughs at him.

and i won’t even get started on the hellish noise coming out of his mouth

the gods would be terrified

image by dan in deutschland

i went to see a new production of hedwig and the angry inch last night (at the greenside church) starring jamie firth of w4 productions and i found it…
admitedly meh is still better than the utter eat-your-own-eyeball horror that was the 2005 production by ‘it ryhmes with anus’ janus productions, but it’s still just not quite good enough.
i hadn’t realised that hedwig was showing this year, and as it was the second last night i thought what the hey, i might just toddle along…

the good bits:

  • an interesting take on the costume, though closer to secretary barbie than anything else, with a black pencil skirt, red satin blouse and red heels.
  • an enjoyable version of ‘wig in a box’ with a good bit more rock than usual
  • a surprisingly visually arresting moment near the end where, rather than the usual undies only, we have hedwig stripped only to the waist and becominging, literally

    the divide
    between East and West,
    Slavery and Freedom,
    Man and Woman,<br /
    Top and Bottom.

the bad bits:

  • the performance was static to say the least. the delivery was perfectly competent and the singing actually very good (the band less so) but there was no emotional connection. rather than the viceral blood, sweat and tears that kevin cahoon gave in the first uk tour of the show this hedwig was throwaway and rather stiff. insolent rather than angry. whether this was a deliberate directorial direction or an inability to move in heels i’m not sure but it didn’t pull off for me.
  • an interpretation of the ‘wicked little town’ reprise that i thought was really off the mark. rather than moving moment of unity/apology/forgiveness/wholeness it came over as merely sarcastic and bitter. there was no absolution or conclusion for this hedwig.
  • the makeup was terrible and the wig clearly a party shop special. given the ‘warm hand on her entrance’ hedwig’s look is hugely important and there really hadn’t been enough attention paid above the neck.

on the whole not a terrible show, not even bad just a little hum-drum. more a good amatuer performance than a bad professional one – but at £9.50 a pop, that’s not really enough.

report card says: could do better.

giving you some hed:

john cameron mitchell (writer, director and star of original stage version and film)

artwork by emily hubley used in original stage version and film


put down the knitting, the book and the broom


last week i went to vaudeville caberet’s one o clock show at the fringe and what a great night it was! i must confess it was one of those nights where the last thing i wanted to do was go out and i had to literallly drag my arse out of the door at 11pm, but i’m so glad i did. unlike many cabaret or review-style shows there was a genuine mix and range to the acts and whilst there was an overall ‘dress up and play at being debauched’ vibe the eclectic choice of performers kept it from becoming over-camp.
the show was compared by ‘drunken raconteur’ dusty limits (pictured above and with fellow organisers wild card kitty and tipsy shenanigans below) whose spoken delivery brought to mind the young julian clary (and i don’t mean that in as lazy a way as it sounds) but who really came into his own when he sang. what a set of pipes that boy has! but also a mature and capable an grasp of the darker side of songs like cole porter’s ‘love for sale’ that gave me a good few shivers and ‘holding my breath’ moments during the night.

other acts included a fantastic flamenco group (who i’m having trouble finding the name of, so please let me know if you were there and remember…) a very athletic rope ‘dancer’ (is that what you call it?) and the WONDERFUL miss leggy pee (pictured below with the bow-wows) whose strangely heartwarming combination of dragesque lip synch and dry wit may mean i never look at a muppet quite the same again.

after all that i was ready for the off, but we decided to hang around and catch the band playing at, as the name suggests, one o clock. it was the low miffs (pictured bottom right) who i had never seen before, and they were…

if you put a bit of jaques brel, scott walker, neil hannon and sparks in a blender and added much more guitar and some extra sax you’d get something approaching the full pelt genius/madness that the low miffs are live. truly charismatic singers are a dying breed these days but leo condie has it in spades. powerful delivery, great musicianship and a combination of often neglected inspiration points and a good dash of originality meant they were an absolute jaw-dropping joy to watch – i shall be following their future career closely…

so, all in all a damn fine night 😉