what’s that sound? oh, that’s gary barlow pissing himself laughing…

[photopress:Picture_3_1.png,full,pp_image]

so here it is the ‘long awaited’ spice girls comeback… and er… no, not really.

the song is pretty tedious allthough there is a nice section about a third of the way through where mel c takes lead and it all has a bit more oomph. other than that it’s rather flat. i know they are grown ups now but i would have much rathered a nice big pop song than a sludgy ballad. if they had wanted to appear a bit more mature they could have done something along the madonna, kylie, sugarbabes electro-pop route but this is just dull.

and the video? gosh, i hardly know where to start.

it starts with a shudderingly embarrassing shot of them all filing in like a bunch of middle-aged anne summers models at a hen night in clapham. the smug look on geri’s face makes me just about want to put a carving nife through my computer screen. once the video gets going it’s all sort of ‘high class’ writhing and bling by candle light. there is also some lightlty lesbian-esque bonding going on, though the idea of geri haliwell writhing around in sticky vicky’s lap is considerably less appealing now than it was ten years ago.

[photopress:Picture_9_1.png,thumb,pp_image][photopress:Picture_2_1.png,thumb,pp_image]

mel c and emma equip themselves in a perfectly respectable manner and both look nice (although emma bunton and twiggy are turning into each other) but as for the other three.. eek!

geri is clearly very proud of her newest body shape because when she’s not dressed as carmen miranda she is undulating in her undies with a distictly pleased-with-herself vibe.

[photopress:Picture_6_1.png,thumb,pp_image][photopress:Picture_7.png,thumb,pp_image]

mel b – one thing to say love – semi-opaque tights? NO! NO! NO! you look like a bar girl at the queen vic. or some left over eighties housewife hooker.

[photopress:Picture_5.png,thumb,pp_image]

to be fair victoria looks alright for most of the video, or at least as good as she can at the moment what with her leathery anorexic skin and concrete football boobs. until, that is, possibly the most terrifying moment of the whole video when she suddenly appears in this delightful enemble:

[photopress:Picture_8.png,thumb,pp_image][photopress:Picture_10.png,thumb,pp_image]

and with that image in your minds eye, dear readers i shall leave you.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “what’s that sound? oh, that’s gary barlow pissing himself laughing…

  1. Ha ha. Everything you said was true. I just couldn’t watch the whole thing. You were so right about the smugness, yikes. Vic’s even more robotic these days too, she seemed to be moving from one model pose into another. Sex was always their thing but it used to be more fun, this is all a bit glam-trashy and sad. Loving your blog, I’m def’ly tuning in.

  2. you’re on the nose about the sex/fun thing. it was all a bit of a giggle, but there is something really sad about this video. and yes poor old victoria does look like she is powered soley by duracel and botox doesn’t she?
    i really wanted to be pleasantly surprised.. but sadly not.

    i was a much bigger spice girls fan than take that but jesus girls, did you notice this:

    that’s what you call a successful comeback!

  3. rachie: so true!

    joefish: sure they did, how else was a girl to make ends meet when her man couldn’t bring home the bread thanks to ‘thatcher’s bloody privatisation’?

    or something

  4. Oh dear god, that’s fucking horrible. I don’t even know where to start. The song is revolting. Like stab yourself in the ears with lit cigarettes revolting. At least Geri has managed to hold on to her ‘Most hideous waste of DNA ever to exist’ crown. I can imagine rows of drunk 12 year olds singing this as they stagger arm in arm down the street vomiting up cheap cider. Merry Christmas No.1 attempt, Spice Hags.

    The worst thing is, I actually watched the whole video. Really. I feel violated now and not in a good way.

  5. tanya: i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to auraly rape you with my spice post – i hope you can forgive me?

    vikitoria: and agahst…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s