Consider the public. Never fear it nor despise it. Coax it, charm it, interest it, stimulate it, shock it now and then if you must, make it laugh, make it cry, but above all never, never, never bore the living hell out of it.

pictured above Torchwood’s new ‘adult’ direction

well, i’ve been putting it off all week but the time has come for the end of series Torchwood review.


it is with heavy heart that i begin…

you may recall that i was super ramped-up about this programme, being a) a big fan of the recent dr who series’ and b) a BIG fan of the lovely captain jack. you may also recall that i gave a warm welcome to the first couple of episodes, but with a couple of niggling concerns…

those concern?

oh, they would be the pretty much the whole point of the show. dammit.


i’ve liked most of the episode stories, particularly ‘small worlds’ and there is a slight edge to the action that you can’t get away with pre watershed. i have enjoyed jack’s backstory developing and the fact that we are still nowhere near knowing all about him and what he did between ‘parting of the ways’ and torchwood. i think the actress who plays gwen is great and would make a very good who-style companion. she has a great face and a pleasant lack of ‘tits and arse’
ummm. that’s about it…


i cannot stand the other two central characters. tosh because, allthough her character is fine (uptight computer nerd) the actress is apalling. ‘greeks bearing gifts’ was her spotlight episode and between her and the alien (a daft, smug blonde that i’m sure used to be in eastenders) it was almost unwatchable. owen is just annoying – too much cheeky in his chappy. he’s one of those monkey faced norman wisdome types that are physically impossible of carrying any gravitas whatsoever. gwen & owen are a sort of item and it is the most ‘who gives a fuck’ relationship in the history of tv.
also, the ‘adult’ content….

bearing in mind the publicity blurb said that it would be:

“…dark, wild and sexy. The X-Files meets This Life. …a stand-alone series for adult audiences, which will have its own unique identity. “

the writers (and i suspect we are really talking russel t davies here – because it bears ALL the hallmarks of queer as folk, which i also wasn’t keen on) have mistaken adult for teenage. where the humour in who is breezy torchwood is just too much out and out rudeness (not even inuendo) and way to much aren’t-we-modern same sex shagging. must they all be ‘pansexual’? by episode six, let me get this right:

gwen had snogged an alien chick, tosh had shagged an alien chick, tosh was in love with owen but owen was shagging gwen who also has a mickeyesque boyfriend and who was also possibly in love with jack. jack also had a bit of a snog with ianto who had an ex girfriend/half cyberwoman locked in the basement.
by episode six.
good grief. it’s cardiff, not melrose place…
ironically jack who it was established in the first couple of episodes goes for ‘anything with a pulse’ has had very little action and probably the only really affecting storyline (a friendship with an old lady who had been his lover when she was young and believed him to be his own son)

the closing two-header was better as there was less shagging and a bit more ‘plot’ but did include the most risably overplayed and historically unbelievable kiss in the history of tv, or as one reviewer put it : “a gay remake of the Nicholas Lyndhurst time travel “comedy” Goodnight Sweetheart

i could go on, but i won’t…

i’m looking forward to seeing jack back in the next series of dr who and my ideal scenario would be for them to axe torwood while they are behind and have jack as an intermitantly recurring character in dr who. i would hate, hate, hate for him to dissapear alltogether but watching torchwood hack the character to pieces may be even more painful. the only way i can imagine them being able to revive the series would be to start over with jack returning to a different time/place and other than john barrowman, a different cast.

poor jack, first he gets dumped by the doctor – and now this.

still, we’ll always have cardiff…


0 thoughts on “Consider the public. Never fear it nor despise it. Coax it, charm it, interest it, stimulate it, shock it now and then if you must, make it laugh, make it cry, but above all never, never, never bore the living hell out of it.

  1. now that…..i would be eager to watch!

    yeah, i kind of hate it so much now in retrospect i can’t even be bothered with the vitriol.
    and not to be too crude but russel t, for such a titilating twat of a writer, instead of giggling so much as you put out countless scenes of girl on girl, girl on alien, action, why was there no boy on boy “action” sans a snog as the crescendo of the series hit its “peak” honestly i’ve gasped more watching newsround

    right, i’m off to watch a double bill of flesh gordon, and, bareback barrack cumfest

  2. Young Johny Hunter’s off to join the Army. He’s heard it’s action packed, but nothing has prepared him for the action he’s going to get! Bareback Barracks is a horny hotbed of testosterone-fueled young soldier boys who can’t keep their cocks in their pants of out of each other! Night-time jerkoffs, deep throating medics, punishment fuckings are just the start… Army life a frenzy of cum-guzzling, raw-fucking action from reveille to the barrack room gang bang!

    New recruits fucked bareback!

    16 soldiers in 6 hardcore scenes.

    πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

    oh lordy ‘bareback barrack cumfest’… the title is to the point i guess….

    but yes, message taken about torchwood – for a taboo busting show, it’s… not.

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